The Pleasures of Being Young

Innocence is a virtue we all seem to lose as we approach adulthood. I know from my own experiences that I could not wait to grow up and take on the world. Being young was not the joy I valued, knowledge, experiences and independence were of more important. My father always joked with me that I had the body of a little girl but the mind of a thirty year old. He like many fathers I am sure do tried to make me realize that every thing comes in time and to enjoy my time as a child.
This charcoal and conte' white charcoal I did years ago as a mother's day gift. It was not until I became a mom or sorts "step mother" to my boyfriend's amazing daughter that I realized all that I had missed and the simplicity that comes with being a child. I lost that innocence that I now see in Elena my future step daughter. There are so many things a child should never have to go through.I am very much proof of that.
Psychologically as a child I lost my ability to live happily and enjoy those things that all children deserve to do. Having gone to a small elementary school I was picked on for the all 7 years I attended school. I came to fear the girls in my school and played to their mental games. I could not even make a decision with out the fear of the teasing and ostracizing that I might get the following day at school. This ranged from new shoes to clothes to how my hair was done. This torment silenced me for years and caused me to yearn for a true friend as well as a trust worthy friend. Loyalty meant more to me than anything and time after time it failed to be honored by the other side.
Now at 27 years of age going on 28 in a week, I still think of the hurt and fear I felt for so many years because of this teasing. The only sanctuary I had aside from my family was horse back riding. Even in this I was not the fearless competitor I should have been.
Elena who is an amazing little girl deals with a split family scenario and two very different sets of parents. And yet she is still able to switch those hats from each family with out much trouble. I encourage her to express herself and to try anything and everything now from ballet, to horse back riding, to gymnastics, to rock climbing, etc. I encourage her to do this so that when she looks back as an adult, she does not feel the regret and anger that I have with myself.
I am no doctor but I have studied art for years and have been asked to write paper after paper on the artists intent, what time period = the genera' of the piece all the way to why an artist would choose to reproduce the same image maybe just in a slightly different way. Children do this without even realizing it. They draw places where they feel most happy, they use colors that celebrate their emotions.
I guess I will end with direct questions for anyone who reads this. Why do children torment other children? Why do the parents not step in and help bring about a change? Why do clear signs of a troubled youth go unnoticed and develop into a ball of fear or anger or both? The truth is there is a very easy way to know how your child is feeling, what fears they have and even how they feel about themselves. You can find this in their drawings, their crafts and even how the treat their toys.

Side note: the other painting is a quick exercise I painting through a mood, memory or a specific feeling. The piece is titled: Silenced, 2002, Acrylics on Bristol,

Brilliance can be found in the most common things or places.

Brilliance can be found in the most common things or places, it all depends on if you take the time to see it.
I used to live on John Street right between Gold Street and Pearl Street. Any time I came back down town when not using the subway in the afternoon especially in the summer. There was something magical about how the light reflected off the water from the clouds which created this amazing prism on, under and over the Brooklyn Bridge. It was this brilliance that opened my eyes wider developing an appreciation for moment to moment.
This was my goal when I painted my interpretation of the Brooklyn Bridge 7 months after 9/11 when everyone still was still blind. recovering and picking up the pieces.

Is Beauty truly in the Eye of the Beholder~

When we look in the mirror we see a variation of ourselves configured by our own minds designed to fit what we believe to be reality. But it is neither true nor false but simply our perceived reflection.
Some of us might pick ourselves apart on every little imperfection we believe to have and some my stare admiring or are simply satisfied by themselves. Either way which ever category you fit into the result will always be the same, you are inevitably you.
I have found this to be extraordinarily difficult and frustrating at times to accept. The questions I ask is there ever a happy medium between these two sides? Is there always going to be someone from your childhood, someone you went to school with, work with or even some random person you pass on the street, that you wish you could trade places with just purely because of their looks, their decor.
I would like to think that yes, everyone deals with this same mental dilemma one way or another. I believe the lucky ones are those who are able to accept what they see, accept who they are and are able to feel comfortable in their own skin on a daily basis.